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The Christopher Pyne experiments REDUX

drworm — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 11:27:54 +0000

Here I am re-blogging a post originally seen on The Drum website. It was removed as they thought it might offend Mr Pyne

The Christopher Pyne experiments

By Marieke Hardy

It seems there is nobody in the entire world who is loathed by Australia more than Christopher Pyne. (AAP: Alan Porritt, file photo)

I have had a great deal of time lately to think about Liberal MP Christopher Pyne. It was his appearance on last week’s Q and A that really cemented the process (“But… but… you didn’t cut Chris Bowen off mid-sentence,” he bleated to Tony Jones in his shrill little voice, causing a nation to, as one, silently pray for him to get attacked by a large and libidinous dog on his walk home), which led me to hold a few fact-finding conversations with various ‘demographics’ as I take my role as ABC opinion holder/commentator/taste-maker intensely seriously which you would probably be able to tell by my many searing political insights over the previous nine months.

Opinions on Christopher Pyne seem to vary, from “I despise his crinkly hair”* to “Seriously cannot watch Christopher Pyne. Parseltongue on television gives me the creeps”** to “When Chris Pyne says ‘Kumbaya’ I taste a little vomit in my mouth”***. It seems that nobody in the whole of Australia likes him. Which leads me to presume that perhaps there is nobody in the entire world who is loathed by Australia more than Christopher Pyne and that’s why I took it upon myself to conduct the following experiments.

1. Does Australia despise Kyle Sandilands more than Christopher Pyne?
It’s getting kind of tedious hating on Kyle Sandilands these days. I mean, when someone loudly announces to a table of dinner party companions: “You know who I just abhor? That fat-headed beard man from the radio,” it’s hardly bound to make waves socially. Every few months or so Kyle will say something about fat chicks or rape victims and everyone will fall over themselves trying to say how much they detest him, but it’s not necessarily interesting. You want to be controversial? Try telling a crowded bar that Hamish and Andy suck. Those two are like the untouchable twin Jesus brothers.

VERDICT: Australia hates Christopher Pyne more than we hate Kyle Sandilands.

2. Does Australia despise India more than Christopher Pyne?
Boo! Hiss! The brown people ruined our special sporting event and went to the toilet in our athlete’s sinks! Let’s lynch ‘em! And so forth.

My favourite thing about the Commonwealth Games crisis in India was yesterday reading the hugely dramatic sentence, “England’s hockey and lawn bowls teams were whisked off to five-star hotels where they will stay until next week,” in the Sun Herald. Five-star hotel for a lawn bowls team? Shouldn’t they all be in those Formula 1 buildings where you have to sit in a plastic chair in the shower?

Anyway, despite all the chaos and filth and occasional bout of shitting in sinks India seems to have redeemed itself with the industrial cleaning hoses and help from the New Zealand chef de mission Dave Currie who seems to be single-handedly in there himself with a bottle of Draino and a Brill-o-pad. Let’s all look forward to a jolly, incident-free Games shall we?

VERDICT: Australia hates Christopher Pyne more than we hate India.

3. Does Australia despise Brendan Fevola more than Christopher Pyne?
Fevola, the recently benched AFL player whose name is usually preceded with the words ‘Disgraced footballer’ ‘Deranged drunkard’ or ‘Complete twazzock who made such a stark raving idiot of himself at last year’s Brownlow Medal count even Brynne Gordon was embarrassed on his behalf’, lately made the front pages by allegedly showing his flaccid penis to ‘a mother of four’ which seems a misguided exercise as she’s clearly seen at least one in her life on a previous occasion. It’s difficult, though, to hate someone who is so thick they probably eat their own hair gel. He’s just like a misguided Labrador, isn’t he? The li’l penis-flashing scamp.

VERDICT: Australia hates Christopher Pyne more than we hate Brendan Fevola.

4. Does Australia despise Kanye West more than Christopher Pyne?
Look, the truth is I’m probably stretching things for the sake of my otherwise watertight and wholly structured journalistic argument here. Nobody hates anybody in the whole world more than they hate Kanye West. He is a legitimate douchebag. Christopher Pyne is a douchebag in many ways, but those ways are more suburban and fey than innate. I’m happy to be argued out of this when Christopher Pyne shoves Julie Bishop out of the way during a lengthy Question Time and trills in that aforementioned cadence “Listen Julie, Imma let you finish… but Rob Oakeshott’s decision speech was one of the greatest of all time” and everybody tries to collectively kick him in the nuts.

VERDICT: Australia hates Kanye West probably just as much as we hate Christopher Pyne.

And what can we draw from this? Firstly that Christopher Pyne should probably release a hit single soon or flash a mother if he’s going to survive another year in politics without people simply walking up to him on the street and swatting him with a dirty glove. Still, I’m yet to explore part two of this particular experiment which involves Lara Bingle, Matthew Newton, and the family of missing toddler Keisha Abrahams. So there’s hope for you yet Christopher Pyne! I say this with affection, mind.

* My father, who very rarely has an unkind word to say about anybody’s follicular challenges, be they comedic or otherwise. Interesting side note: Michael Kroger also has crinkly hair.

** My friend Benjamin Law. At first I thought he was calling Christopher Pyne ‘parsley tongue’ which I found very droll. “He does sound like he’s talking through a mouthful of parsley,” I chuckled to myself, “what a strange and clever analogy”. Then I googled the term and realised Ben was making a Harry Potter joke. Less left-of-centre, but equally as amusing.

*** Someone on Twitter who calls himself Abe Frellman and clearly suffered through CP’s appearance on Insiders yesterday morning. Send your fruit baskets of condolences to the appropriate address.

Marieke Hardy is a writer and regular panelist on the ABC’s First Tuesday Book Club.

First posted Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:28pm AEST at thedrum.com.au

The Christopher Pyne experiments REDUX is a post from: worldwormweb

Opposition to can Aus $1.3bn school laptops program

drworm — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:40:29 +0000

Opposition to can Aus $1.3bn school laptops program

Election fun and games

By Drew Cullen • Get more from this author

Posted in Government, 29th July 2010 10:08 GMT

Australia’s general election is in full swing and disputes over tech funding and tech policy continue to intrude on today centre stage.

In today’s spat, shadow treasurer Joe Hockey said he would scrap the government’s “wasteful” computers for schools initiative if the centre right Coalition wins.

That would mean Year 9 pupils will not get their mitts on laptops as promised by the outgoing Labour government.

Last year, the government agreed a second round of funding worth $91m (£52.5m, US$82.2m) to buy 141,000 laptops for year 9-12 students in 1400 schools nationwide. The idea is to have a ratio of one laptop per two pupils.

At the time, Julia Gillard, then minister of education, and now Prime Minister, costed a full roll-out at $1.3bn (£750m, US$£1.17bn) over six years.

Hockey disputes this – this has now turned into a $2bn program with half the number of promised computers, he told Fairfax Radio Network.

His party has not come up with its own computer for schools program yet.

But really, does Australia’s schools need so many laptops? According to at least one study, admittedly investigating home use, of 150,000 children in North Carolina, computers and broadband for all increases the digital divide. Poor parental supervision of poorer children is partly to blame.

And who can say that schools will be so very wonderful in supervising the computer use of their teenage charges?

Australia goes to the polls on August 21. ®

Related stories

Australian Senate censors print link to cartoon (25 July 2010)

Australia unbans the internet (9 July 2010)

Report reams IT admins for secretly snapping student pics (6 May 2010)

Intel: Think of the children – give them PCs, not e-readers (2 March 2010)

Brown offers free laptops to deprived UK schoolkids (12 January 2010)

via go.theregister.com

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Surely SMH.com.au could have got a better picture

drworm — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 09:38:53 +0000

This is the picture the Sydney Morning Herald have used on their homepage for Julia Gillard's first day in office.

Surely they could have done better, She's the Prime Minister now for goodness sake.

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What is wrong with David Jones

drworm — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:33:15 +0000

Today I tried to buy an umbrella, not an onerous task I grant you, but have you tried shopping in David Jones on a Sunday lately? They have removed all the staff that had a clue and replaced them with young droids with no personality or ability to think for themselves. I browsed the umbrellas for a few minutes finally settling on an umbrella I liked that would fit in my satchel. I then noticed the umbrella didn’t have a price tag so I waited patiently at the checkout whilst the nearest droid did his best to ignore me. He finally gave up and asked if he could help me. This led into 20 minutes of trying to find the price and holding up in the air umbrellas that bore no resemblance on the umbrella I had chosen, he then gave up and told me he couldn’t sell it to me as he had no idea how much it cost. This was not the answer I wanted so I asked to speak to the manager, who was conveniently on a lunch break, at 3.30 in the afternoon.

He wandered off and found an equally disinterested droid and the whole charade started over again. When they finally decided it was too hard, I made my way to the customer service desk and requested to see the manager. They don’t have a manager on duty on Sunday’s, presumably they have no problems that might need such authority on Sunday’s. The droid at this desk then found the administration manger, a secretary, to help me. Once again the searching through the tangle of umbrella’s began with no luck, she then wandered off promising to find out the price. I gave up at this point and spent $3 on a crappy umbrella at the Reject Shop.

There was once a time when you could go into David Jones and be greeted with a smile and a helpful and informed member of staff that had pride in the job they were doing, they could help you buy a shirt and offer suggestions on matching ties, I wouldn’t trust the driods in there now to tie there own shoes.

Whilst David Jones have reported a 2.2% rise in first quarter earnings they have done this at the expense of good customer service. Head on down to your nearest suburban David Jones and try to get some useful advice or find out if that TV you are after is available in another store, the chance is you leave disappointed, they have no way of knowing what stock they have “out the back” or at other stores. I once ordered some trousers at Hornsby, they needed to be transferred from Castle Hill, a distance of 13 kilometres by car yet they took 2 weeks to arrive, in this time I had gone elsewhere and had no need of them.

Many years of experience has made way for cheap labour, even Target is starting to look more up-market than DJ’s. It is a shame as they once had a great reputation. I will try my luck at Myer next time, but they aren’t much better.

Reuters – Australia’s David Jones Q1 sales up 2.2 pct.

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News Limited confirm Foxtel plans

drworm — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:06:08 +0000

As I reported on 28th June, Foxtel will be launching 30 new channels later this year and News Limited publication The Australian has provided confirmation of some of them.

They list the following new and expanded offerings:
Showtime Greats will be dropped in favour of Showtime genre channels covering action, premiere, comedy and drama. With action and comedy appearing in High Definition. The Movie Network will add Starpics, and the Family Movie Channel (FMC) with Starpics and Movie One going HD.

On the sports front Fox Sports 1 and 2 will be HD, no word on the previously mentioned Eurosport just yet.

Fox8 and W will also go HD, other new Standard Definition channels include Nation Geographic Wild, Lifestyle You, The Style Network, Discovery’s Turbo Max, Kids CC, 13th Street and Sky News Local.

Sci-Fi, Turbo Max and Lifestyle you will get time shifted along with 5 other as yet un-named channels.

The article goes on to claim that Sport and Movies are the focus, however with only the addition of Fox Sports 2 to HD I can’t see how they claim that. Movies and Lifestyle would appear to be the main focus to me.

The channels mentioned in the article only account for 29, though some are just HD versions of current channels, new channels. This leaves 1 yet to be revealed channel. What will it be? Could it be Eurosport?

November seems a reasonable time frame for the launch of the new channels as the new satellite was only launched last Saturday, 22nd August.

Of course Foxtel have refused to comment according to the article , but as the article was published by 25% owner of Foxtel, News Limited, it is either true or a really good smokescreen. The fact it tallies with a survey sent out by Foxtel in late June, it would be a safe bet most if not all of these channels will appear.

You can read the full article here.

News Limited confirm Foxtel plans is a post from: worldwormweb

Reuters says linking to news is good

drworm — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 11:09:56 +0000

Reuters Media President, Chris Ahearn has invited bloggers to link to Reuters content at will, while News Corp Chairman Rupert Murdoch says he wants all News Corp content monetized in the next 12 months. And today we hear that Fairfax is looking at ways to monetize their news sites here in Australia.

Chris Ahearn says :“I don’t believe you could or should charge others for simply linking to your content. Appropriate excerpting and referencing are not only acceptable, but encouraged.”

Whilst I can’t disagree that advertising in newspapers does prop it up, The Daily Telegraph in Sydney is mostly ads with very little “journalism”, what they do call news is mostly trash and pandering to the uneducated masses. And the Sydney Morning Herald tries to pass itself off as a more high-brow news source, it too is mostly ads and the same news as in the Daily Telegraph, only more difficult to read on one of Sydney’s unreliable and overcrowded trains or buses.

Both publishers, News Corp and Fairfax, are doing there best to make out that without charging for the news they provide they will go broke, at least we still have the ABC.

You can read the Fairfax view here: www.theage.com.au/national/stop-the-presses-20090808-edmh.html?page=-1

And the News Corp view here: www.theaustralian.news.com.au/business/story/0,28124,25898155-7582,00.html

And the Fairfax view on News Corp’s plan here: www.smh.com.au/technology/biz-tech/not-happy-rupert-readers-say-they-wont-pay-for-online-news-20090807-eco0.html

And for the full article from Reuters: blogs.reuters.com/mediafile/2009/08/04/why-i-believe-in-the-link-economy/

And for what will hopefully continue to be a free online news service visit the ABC : www.abc.net.au/news/

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New Foxtel Channels revealed

drworm — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 05:31:15 +0000

Foxtel have revealed some of the new channels they plan to offer later in the year when the new satellite becomes available, presently slated for launch by Ariane Space on 18th August. The channels were revealed in a survey presently being sent to selected Foxtel customers.

The basic package could get 2 new channels, Sky News Local and Lifestyle You. Sky News local will present news focused for Australia’s key cities and Lifestyle You will be based around personal makeovers, healthy living, parenting and relationships.

The existing High Definition offering will be boosted with the addition of Fox Sports HD 2 & 3, Fox 8 HD, W HD, Movie One HD, Movie Extra HD, Showtime HD, Showcase HD, Showtime Action HD and Starpics HD.

As well as the addition of High Definition Movie channels more Standard Definition Movie channels are on the way. Showtime Action, Showtime Drama, Showtime Comedy & Family Movie Channel providing G and PG rated movies before 9.30pm each day. Also added to the movie packages is Starpics a channel based on Hollywood news bios and previews.

Entertainment channels to be added to the Foxtel platform include: Nat Geo Wild – Wildlife and Nature Documentaries, Discovery Turbo , Style Network and 13th Street – A channel dedicated to murder mysteries. Kids will get new channel KidsCo, owned in part by NBC Universal.

Sports fans should be happy with Eurosport to go with the increased High Definition offering from Fox Sports.

Along with the new channels will be enhancements to the way Foxtel is delivered. The EPG will be overhauled allowing the picking of up to 50 favourite channels, mini screens will show what you are currently watching while you are searching the EPG.

Foxtel will also allow you to download shows over an internet connection to your computer for viewing on that computer.

Pricing is yet to be confirmed but no doubt it will increase in line with the increased offering.

New Foxtel Channels revealed is a post from: worldwormweb

Microsoft unveils Windows 7 prices

drworm — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:41:14 +0000

Microsoft on Thursday announced prices for Windows 7 and offered free upgrades to buyers of personal computers before the new operating system hits the stores in October.

Brad Brooks, corporate vice president for Windows consumer marketing, said Microsoft will offer free upgrades to Window 7 to people who buy Vista-equipped PCs between Friday and the October 22 release date of Windows 7.

Vista is Microsoft’s much-criticised previous operating system and the Redmond, Washington-based software giant is hoping that Windows 7 will help erase bad memories of Vista in the minds of consumers.

Brooks said in a video released by Microsoft that the free upgrades would apply to people who purchase PCs running Windows Vista Home Premium, Windows Vista Business or Windows Vista Ultimate.

The upgrade program will be available until January 31, 2010.

The offer of free upgrades is seen as an attempt to prevent people from putting off a decision to purchase a PC until October. An estimated 90 per cent of the world’s PCs run on Windows.

Microsoft said Windows 7 will be available in 14 languages on October 22: English, Spanish, Japanese, German, French, Italian, Dutch, Russian, Polish, Brazilian Portuguese, Korean, Simplified Chinese, Traditional Chinese and Chinese (Hong Kong).

It will be available on October 31 in 21 other languages: Turkish, Czech, Portuguese, Hungarian, Swedish, Danish, Norwegian, Finnish, Greek, Ukrainian, Romanian, Arabic, Lithuanian, Bulgarian, Estonian, Slovenian, Hebrew, Thai, Croatian, Serbian Latin, and Latvian.

Because of a European Commission anti-trust inquiry, the Windows 7 version going on sale in Europe will not include Internet Explorer, Microsoft’s Web browser. Microsoft announced earlier this month that it had decided to remove the Web browser because of the regulatory wrangling.

Microsoft said a Home Premium Upgrade of an existing PC to Windows 7 would cost $A199 in Australia while the Professional Upgrade would cost $A399 and the Ultimate Upgrade $A429.

It said the Home Premium version of Windows 7 would retail for $A299 in Australia. The Professional version will sell for $A449 and the Ultimate version for $A469.

Amid slumping PC sales worldwide, Microsoft has been aggressively pushing laptop computers recently in a series of new advertisements in the United States as a low-cost alternative to the more expensive machines of rival Apple.

AFP

From www.smh.com.au

Microsoft unveils Windows 7 prices is a post from: worldwormweb

Australian World Cup Bid News | Come Play!

drworm — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 03:05:24 +0000

Australian World Cup Bid News | Come Play!

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Rules for supermarket shopping

drworm — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 09:45:55 +0000

Keep left. Don’t just push your trolley aimlessly down the aisle as you will invariably get in the way. In Australia we drive on the left hand side of the road, this should also apply to pushing of shopping trolleys in supermarkets.
Don’t try and pass someone going the opposite direction on their left. As they will be keeping left you will just be getting in the way. It is especially rude to force your way between a trolley and the shelves just pass on the other side.
At the deli don’t take your number then stand in front of the number dispenser, you’re in the way and you will annoy others.
Once you have your number, don’t wait so close to the counter that others can’t see what is available. If everyone stands back a bit then everyone can see what’s on offer.
When you get to the checkout you must already know if you can pay for what you are buying, this means if you are paying cash you will have enough to cover what you are buying or if you are paying by EFTPOS you will know which account has the right amount of money that you need. This means that you shouldn’t enter the supermarket if you are unsure as to how much money you have available.
Don’t send your shopping partner to the checkout if you haven’t finished shopping. Make sure you have all items you need before queuing; failing to heed this rule will annoy the hell out of those behind you in the queue. It is very rude and should not be done.
If you must bring your kids to the supermarket please ensure they have a quiet and clam disposition. There is nothing more annoying than kids that scream/cry or run around getting in the way. If you can’t trust your child to be well behaved leave them at home, or if this isn’t possible then tape the mouths shut and tie them to the trolley.
Don’t eat in the supermarket, it’s disgusting.
Don’t eat thing from the supermarket you haven’t yet paid for, its theft.
Wear shoes, no one wants to see your manky feet. Thongs and plastic clogs don’t count as shoes.
Don’t open the doors of the freezers then stand there and decide what you want. They have glass doors for a reason.
If your old, don’t do your shopping when people that work will be shopping, i.e. After 5pm and on weekends, your too slow and will get in the way. You have plenty of opportunities before 5pm on weekdays.
If you don’t understand the concept of the self serve checkouts then stay away from them, they are annoying to use at the best of times without some moron taking hours to scan their ready meal.

Rules for supermarket shopping is a post from: worldwormweb